I love " shabby chic"

I admit it, I LOVE shabby chic. Shabby Chic is the newest decorating phase. Its sort of like vintage meets frou frou mixed with pink and pastels and lots and lots of white. "Distressed" furniture and accessories are popular , as is anything with roses and also home made crafty things, especially flowers, birds and angels. I love the whole look. But alas, I will look and not really touch. Because white is my enemy. I am a slob. I quit wearing or buying anything white when the twins were babies. I love lace , especially eyelet lace and battenburg lace, so I sneak it into our house and put them here and there. But after our chimney fire I washed all the surviving lace and packed it away. White lace doesn't fare so well with smoke or creosote soot, mixed with an embarrasing amount of dust. Now I can bring some of them out again. But I'll probably never go the whole shabby chic thing though my "look" is sort of a dark shade of shabby chic country. When I stick to a "look". I realized the other day that the only furniture or accessory we own , that we actually bought, instead of accidentally inheriting it, is the couch and loveseat.)

James announced the other day that we " need a lamp". Part of me rejoiced, the other part of me flinched. You see, I haven't had a new lamp in my living room in so many years ( did I ever?) that this lamp is going to be a BIG deal to me. And I suspect poor James won't " get" it. He will look for a lamp that is sturdy, that looks okay, that doesn't look hugely ugly and won't break if a grandchild knocks it over. I , on the other hand, have a whole list of criteria this lamp must meet. I think I should make a list and bring it when we search for a lamp. I know he'll look at it and argue. Lately we both feel a little out of control of life and so we put our foot down about certain things. And logic is James' haven!

 I think he had an inkling that there might be some difficulty in this lamp buying, when we were at Walmart the other day. He looked at a lamp and I made a gagging noise. He gave me a funny look and said " Whats wrong with it?!" ( ARG) I gave him a funny look and snapped " Its fun if you want a hideously ugly piece of crap that will make me puke every time I see it." Okay overreacing just teeny bit there, I admit. He looks at another one and I say " It's WHITE!" ( refer to the beginning of this post hehe) I was getting a bit smarter though, and I gave it a good shake and said " Oh its not very sturdy" But I kind of shot myself in the foot, because the next few lamps he looked at , were possibilities to me, but he put them through the " sturdy" test and they failed. Great. I mean, it's probably a good thing- I've tried to buy a few lamps from Walmart and they either have a missing piece or they blow up after the first week. And I hate HATE those stupid touch lamps that need those tiny chandelier bulbs that cost ten times more than an ordinary light bulb. And then the lamp suddenly quits after you broke down and bought two packages of the expensive bulbs.

Okay so here's my list:

1. Must not be modern-ish or Feng Shu-ish. I'm into country, not modern.

2. Must NOT look like it is a discard from the 80s
3. Must NOT be plain white, though I'd like a white or cream colored shade
4. Must fit ONE regular light bulb.No chandelier bulbs or other mini bulbs. No four way bulbs. Just one ordinary sized 100 watt fluorescent bulb. ( I'm carrying one in my purse to make sure)
5. NOT a floor lamp. Firstly very few of them are "sturdy". I don't want a baby trying to stand up by holding onto the floor lamp and having the thing tip over and damage said baby. Also floor lamps never fit anywhere you put them. No matter where I place them, they just look wrong. And after a few weeks they get wobbly. Probably from me moving them all over, trying to make them fit.

looks those creepy tripod space thingies in War of the Worlds

6. NO TOUCH LAMPS. Or clap lamps . Or sensor lamps.

7. Must not look like a hotel lamp or like it came out of a bordello.

I'm pretty sure this one did not come from Walmart

8. Must have a switch on the lamp, NOT on the cord. Cord switches are a pain and sooner or later the switch breaks.

9. Must be a neutral color. ( just not white-I think I mentioned that) Beige, tan, black, terra cotta, are all good. Nix on any blue , red, yellow ( I don't care if they call it " melon" or " butter" - its still freaking YELLOW) or pink. Sorry James , I know how  much you love pink. And oh, NOT chrome. Chrome is for taps and toilet handles.

yep some of you might think this lamp is cool.

But it breaks several of my criteria - chrome, touch lamp and...um where the heck is the light bulb?

UBER PINKNESS!And it's a motion light. Gee I'm beginning to think I am no fun at all

10. Must have a sturdy , preferably weighted bottom. Not something James and I can easily knock over while tripping over our own feet. Which we tend to do a lot of, as we get older.

11. Lamp must shaped like a lamp, NOT like an animal or object. Elephants are cute - in India. No eagle, dogs or other creatures.( shudder)

Are they kidding??

breaks several of my criteria..dear God please don't let James see this lamp

12. No flowers, no plaid,no checkered, no animal prints, no shells, no tree trunks.

Okay I better stop there. The internet is full of weird lamps! haha

PS I meant to post this last night but somehow it didn't post and went into draft instead. Blogger and me don't always get along